To the people who do not know me, I am the happy-go-lucky, overly optimistic, fit girl with the perfect life. It may looks like I don’t know what it’s like to struggle or be unhappy with the myself.
What people don’t see is the effort that I have and continue to put in to being the person who I am today. Over the last 6 years I have went through drastic physical transformations, yes plural, however, the biggest change in my life has come from my mental work and growth.
Who am I…
My story starts with 18 year old me.
18 year old me was like many young girls now-a-days; I was overly obsessed with trying to fit in and to be good enough. I struggled with my self-esteem. I was unhappy with my body. Worst of all I thought that being “skinny” would solve all of my problems.
April 2013 (already started losing weight, -10ishlbs at this point)
Long story short, I did some research online and got to work. As I continued to get swallowed up in the nonsense of the internet I started to live my life by certain rules “to be skinny.” These rules included lists of “bad foods” that I couldn’t eat because they would “make me fat.” Since I had seen some results and started to like my body, I thought that if I ate any “bad foods” that I would “get fat” and I began to live a very restricted, sad and secluded life.
I soon realized reaching a goal weight, didn’t make me happy…
Yes, I was “skinny,” but I also was low on energy and my zest for life. I avoided social events, and I even dreaded my birthday that year because I was worried about eating the cake… I was actually worried that if I ate cake on my birthday that I would lose all of my hard work.
I had reached my “goal weight,” yet I was still unhappy. I still didn’t feel like I was good enough. I still felt like something was missing.
Then I entered College. I was still exercising, still avoiding “bad foods,” however I was busier and more stressed than I was before. This led me to losing more weight and getting dangerously close to an unhealthy body weight. The worst part was that I had no idea that I had let myself get this far, I had lost control… I was so skinny that my face had sunk in and I had no shape to my body. My skin was the worst it ever was and my hair even lost its’ shine because I wasn’t getting enough nutrients… And again I had very little confidence and was unhappy with my body.
October 2013 (-30lbs)
Why I Can Help You
Thankfully, I have a wonderful family who brought this drastic and unhealthy change to my attention. This was the awakening which started my real life changing journey.
Over the next year I had gained 20 pounds. I started to get my shape and curves back. I was healing my relationship with food (no more “good” or “bad” foods). Furthermore, I was stronger, both physically and mentally.
Of course, not everyday was easy. I still struggled some days, fighting with my old “skinny girl beliefs.” But, I stayed focused on the end goal, and was finally enjoying my life again.
Fast forward to now.
I am 23, and since then a lot has changed. My weight has fluctuated, I have done a fitness competition and therefore given up my social life for dieting again. Then I did a reverse diet and became social again. Next I did a bit of fitness modelling, which I was able to prep for and maintain a semi- normal social life. However, I became tired of constantly thinking about food and therefore gave up on even thinking about my diet. Lastly, I refocused my goals, learned to accept myself at many different weights and levels of body fat… and now I can honestly say I have found peace and balance in my life, and I am truly happy.
August 2017(+at least 15 more pounds)
**Disclaimer: I am still working at this every day. However, I have more good days than bad days, and am kind to myself more often than I am not.
I really do understand
I understand that changing yourself can be hard.
I understand that sometimes the hardest battles are with our own thoughts.
I understand that sometimes it can feel like the whole world is against you.
I understand that some people go through things so that other people can benefit, so that not everyone needs to suffer in order to learn a certain lesson. Furthermore, I believe that my journey was not just for me, that I learned and experienced what I did so that I could help other people.
This is about as brief of a summary of my journey as I could get, so yes there are some parts missing. The point I want to get across is that I know life can be hard, but it doesn’t have to be. I want to help as many people optimize their life and health as possible, whether your journey is more physical, mental or both; I want everyone to be able to experience the best that this life has to offer.